When I was pregnant I felt silenced when receiving advice because I had no hands on experience in being a mom. Hello world! I am now a mom! And, I am an expert because I have been doing it for nine months and my family is thriving! Oh how I wish I could stamp a big read fat “told you so” on the foreheads of every person who made me mad giving me bad advice when I was pregnant or horrifying me about the pains of labor (side note: labor is painful but it is not horrifying). I think I am going to proceed with a message that is a tad suppressed in terms of emotional content. I don’t want to be spiteful so I will take a deep breath and forgive those who probably unknowingly and unintentionally made me feel badly with what they had said. …. And done!
“Just you wait until that baby comes, you won’t get any sleep for months!” That is not a very encouraging thing to say to a newly pregnant first time mother who is both excited and nervous about meeting her baby. I was told this over and over by family members, friends, and even strangers who I would meet I grocery stores. I wish that more people would have told me, “Just you wait, when that baby is in your arms at 4am, she will go back to sleep but your heart will be filled up with so much love that you won’t want to put her down.” When I shared with many that I was planning to breastfeed I was told, “A lot of women cannot breast feed, you better have formula in the house in case you can’t either.” I wish that more people would have said, “Breastfeeding is what you are made to do. It uncommon not to be able to physically breastfeed… but it isn’t always easy, so if you need anything, just ask.” When I shared with some, my plans to use cloth diapers I was received with laughter and told, “Once that baby comes you won’t be doing that!” I was really excited when I found these cute cloth diapers online and it was really sad to have that feedback from so many people who I tried to share my excitement with. I wish someone would have told me “You’ll get excited to pick out your daughters next diaper and changing her is no more or less pleasant than if you were using paper.” When my daughter was a tiny little baby we wore her in a sling for the majority of the day because she was usually fussy. We were told, “She’ll be a spoiled baby if you wear her too much” or “She won’t develop properly or as quickly if she’s in that sling a lot.” I wish I could have known then, that at nine months, Audrey would be much more interested in playing and crawling than being held tight to me in the sling. We co-sleep with our daughter although she is part time in a crib. We are continually told that this is forming bad sleep habits and she’ll be much too dependent on us when she is older if we keep it up. We have never let her cry it out. We are often told that we should. I wish that someone would have told me, “Co-sleeping and bed sharing makes breastfeeding easy. Don’t feel bad about it if that’s what works for you, it’s the norm in many countries. Every day that she gets older her night waking will get less frequent and she may be in her own bed someday if that’s what you all want .” We told very few people about doing elimination communication with Audrey which we started just before she was two months old. We were given no advice on the matter, we were simply laughed at. I wish someone would have said “It’s a lot of fun and you’ll have hello kitty stickers on all of your toilettes which is fabulous!”
More recently the “just you waits” I’ve received have been regarding breastfeeding Audrey when she gets teeth (she has two teeth right now and my nipples are still attached for whoever is wondering). Just wait until she is crawling (she will get into things), just wait until she is walking (she will get into more things), just wait until she can say no(because that is supposed to be annoying). I look forward to her achievements in life and as she grows I enjoy adapting to her needs. My husband and I are happily cloth diapering, nursing (I do that), EC’ing, Co-sleeping, baby-wearing, and generally just gently parenting, the “just you waits” have been slowly morphing into people telling us that we won’t be doing any of these things with our hypothetical second child. It makes my heart sad to receive such thoughtless discouragement.
So, you are expecting? Whether you plan to use cloth or paper, breast or bottle, baby wear or push a stroller, co-sleep, bed share or crib sleep, use cry it out or practice attached parenting…. My advice to you: Just you wait; you’ll likely receive discouraging advice from someone. Don’t listen. Do what feels right and embrace parenting for the amazing and unique journey that it is. It’s a lot of fun and not nearly as awful as some people may tell you. “Just you wait until that baby comes, you won’t get any sleep for months!” That is not a very encouraging thing to say to a newly pregnant first time mother who is both excited and nervous about meeting her baby. I was told this over and over by family members, friends, and even strangers who I would meet I grocery stores. I wish that more people would have told me, “Just you wait, when that baby is in your arms at 4am, she will go back to sleep but your heart will be filled up with so much love that you won’t want to put her down.” When I shared with many that I was planning to breastfeed I was told, “A lot of women cannot breast feed, you better have formula in the house in case you can’t either.” I wish that more people would have said, “Breastfeeding is what you are made to do. It uncommon not to be able to physically breastfeed… but it isn’t always easy, so if you need anything, just ask.” When I shared with some, my plans to use cloth diapers I was received with laughter and told, “Once that baby comes you won’t be doing that!” I was really excited when I found these cute cloth diapers online and it was really sad to have that feedback from so many people who I tried to share my excitement with. I wish someone would have told me “You’ll get excited to pick out your daughters next diaper and changing her is no more or less pleasant than if you were using paper.” When my daughter was a tiny little baby we wore her in a sling for the majority of the day because she was usually fussy. We were told, “She’ll be a spoiled baby if you wear her too much” or “She won’t develop properly or as quickly if she’s in that sling a lot.” I wish I could have known then, that at nine months, Audrey would be much more interested in playing and crawling than being held tight to me in the sling. We co-sleep with our daughter although she is part time in a crib. We are continually told that this is forming bad sleep habits and she’ll be much too dependent on us when she is older if we keep it up. We have never let her cry it out. We are often told that we should. I wish that someone would have told me, “Co-sleeping and bed sharing makes breastfeeding easy. Don’t feel bad about it if that’s what works for you, it’s the norm in many countries. Every day that she gets older her night waking will get less frequent and she may be in her own bed someday if that’s what you all want .” We told very few people about doing elimination communication with Audrey which we started just before she was two months old. We were given no advice on the matter, we were simply laughed at. I wish someone would have said “It’s a lot of fun and you’ll have hello kitty stickers on all of your toilettes which is fabulous!”
More recently the “just you waits” I’ve received have been regarding breastfeeding Audrey when she gets teeth (she has two teeth right now and my nipples are still attached for whoever is wondering). Just wait until she is crawling (she will get into things), just wait until she is walking (she will get into more things), just wait until she can say no(because that is supposed to be annoying). I look forward to her achievements in life and as she grows I enjoy adapting to her needs. My husband and I are happily cloth diapering, nursing (I do that), EC’ing, Co-sleeping, baby-wearing, and generally just gently parenting, the “just you waits” have been slowly morphing into people telling us that we won’t be doing any of these things with our hypothetical second child. It makes my heart sad to receive such thoughtless discouragement.
Much love,
Audrey’s Mommy
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